A ‘scandalous’ video of former pro Rugby League player Tom Garratt surfaced on the web last week, showing him drunkenly handling his mate's pride and joy on a lads' holiday.
It's not a great clip, his mate is too sozzled to get hard, and the camerawork and lighting could be better, especially if you're used to Only Fans quality. (But you can see it here.)
For all that, it still seems to have powerfully aroused the online male team sports community. Or those of them who need to believe that if you touch another man's pee-pee you are a) gay - or, rather, GAY!!! - and b) your pee-pee will fall off.
Because otherwise they won't be able to resist temptation.
Thirty-year-old Garratt, who does have very pretty eyes (perhaps that's why he grew the beard) says his Snapchat was hacked but has dealt with the pearl-clutching fallout in a funny, honest, ballsy, and skillfully handled TikTok.
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Admitting that he'd rather not have the video all over the net, but since it is - what's the big deal? Why complain that 'I can't watch it!' when you don't have to?
"I tossed my mate off, off me tits on a holiday seven years ago. I haven't committed a war crime!"
"If you're not comfortable looking at a cock in the face, then that's a YOU issue."
Responding to one indignant critic, who claimed "I've been drunk with the lads but have never thought about doing anything like that!", Tom offered:
"I highly doubt he has more than one mate. And even if he does, when there's afters, he ain't getting invited. And you might go, 'I'm glad I'm not gonna get invited if I'm gonna get wanked off!' Well... you haven't been wanked off by ME!"
Garratt's bravado is funny, but also highly effective for his audience. Fronting it out and deploying humour are techniques that impress 'lads' and win respect because you're refusing to show weakness and shame, and instead turning the tables. You're being cool. And, of course, 'a lad'. You're displaying an enviable personality.
Garratt is also showing sharp social media skills, which is another plus for young chaps today.
As someone from the world of male team sports, Garratt knows that homosocially-inclined 'lads' - or as he puts it himself, “lads! lads! lads!” - are constantly looking for weak points to tease and torment you over, aka 'bants'. If you don’t lose your cool and give as good as you get, then you're 'sound' and 'a laugh'. And the teasers give up.
Garratt of course gives much better than he gets. He’s proving, in effect, that he’s not ‘gay’. Even though he is careful to state that it wouldn’t matter if he was gay, or bisexual.
This whole farrago though is also another example of how same sexing is more likely to be tried - for shits, giggles, or curiosity - by male 'risk takers'. Probably someone in that drunken holiday group dared Garratt to toss his mate off. And Garratt, being a lad, did.
Though it is perfectly possibly, I guess, that Garratt was the one who dared himself. The tugee looked fit, and hence perhaps not entirely randomly chosen. But then I guess most of Garratt’s mates were super fit when he was playing rugby league….
Sorry, I got distracted. Anyway, the fact that it was done in front of 'the lads' (and their cameras) when bladdered, and that everyone appears to be having a whale of a time, is itself the proof - in that homosocial milieu - that it wasn't 'gay'. This is the bit that the critics either don't get or are pretending not to get - and Garratt mercilessly exploits that, humiliating them.
Here's another TikTok personality (with even prettier eyes) Tom Leeds, something of a spornosexual influencer, weighing in. Offering some words of handsome wisdom, he notes wryly that none of the guys telling us of their 'shock' at the video are from the world of rugby. And that none of them are “proper lads”. Which I think we can all agree is the same thing. (Sometimes, at least when compared to rugby, soccer looks like a support group for chronically repressed homosexuals.)
Rugby, as revealed in an ITV2 documentary which aired around the same time Garratt’s holiday video was made, is as much about the post-match drinking games and male bonding 'horseplay' as it is about the action on the field. The doc included footage of male players drunkenly but proudly snogging in pubs, chewing each other’s nipples, and playing with their ‘donkey hung’ captain’s meaty trophy on the dancefloor. Not even the decency of a hotel room and a privately made and circulated vid for them.
I penned a whole essay years ago moaning about my disappointment with a gay rugby tournament. Not with the on-pitch playing, which was impressive, but the off pitch playing. Which was missing. It turned out that gay ruby teams don't do horseplay. At all.
Which is, if you ask me, a bit gay.
h/t James C